Is it just me or when your spouse is gone do your kids decide to let their inner banshee out and drive you to the point of early onset menopause just for kicks? I’m looking at you, the one with a spouse often away on business, or deployed all the time, or working weird hours. Because I, for one, am two days into a small–I mean minuscule–TDY and I am about to rip my hair out. I’ve had my fair share of deployments and TDYs, but with an almost 2 year old in the mix, it’s getting hot in here. And not the Nelly kind. The Blanche Devereaux kind.
But seriously, is it just me?
My one year old decided he was not into taking a nap today. It just wasn’t on his “to do” list. What was on his list? Deciding to go stiff as a board every time I tried to change his diaper to the point of me holding his leg in a choke hold just so poop would not get smeared across anything within a 1 foot radius. (I am a diaper changing ninja.) Meanwhile, my German neighbors are peeking outside their windows on this quiet-by-law Sunday wondering if I am skinning him to death. Hence why I am hiding inside with the rolladens down baking cookies and typing out this post.
And now my 7 year old has decided that I am his chew toy. Meaning, I am to be at his beck and call, available to play at a moment’s notice 24/7. Like a dog toy. And if I am not I get a guilt trip the size of Texas thrown on my back. Now, before you judge me, let it be known that I have already played board games with him, played make-believe, played some game he made up “just for us!!!” on his iPad, had a movie night, and I let him sleep with me in bed where we stayed up telling each other bedtime stories about people the size of thumbtacks and a land of giant farts. I’m not one to neglect the playtime needs of my kid, but no matter how much I play with him, it won’t be enough.
So is it just me that I am still feeling guilty? Like, if I am not playing with my kids then I should be off doing some domestic duty like sweeping every room in the house (check!) doing the laundry (check!) or scrubbing our German shelf toilets? (Google it…they are like 20x grosser to clean, honestly.) That me typing this out is okay only because I’m baking food at the same time? What is that about? I’d like to punch that right in the face and knock it straight into the land of giant farts.
I love my kids more than any single thing in this world, but when my husband is gone I find myself questioning my sanity. All I’d like is to go to the bathroom without hearing “MOMMY!!” right when my rear touches the seat. I’d like to get on my computer while they are awake without feeling like I’m scarring them for life as I fill their heads with images of Power Rangers fighting the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Is it just me?
So where did all of these thoughts come from you ask? THIS! Blogs, the internet, super moms on tv teaching regular moms how to make their own baby wipes and granola bars. This pressure cooker of mothers against mothers has reached a ridiculous kind of high. When I wasn’t working and my husband was home quite a bit I became way more ‘granola’ than I am today. I made chicken nuggets from scratch, made a really cute calendar of laminated pictures for snack, meal times, etc. that had magnets on the back and everything. I had that time when I wasn’t working. I still had a ton to do, but I didn’t feel the stress I do with being a full-time working mother of a toddler and school-aged child. The difference is 180 degrees. I get up at 5:00, leave for work at 6:30, pick up my kids around 4:00 and they are in bed by 7:00. I’m a teacher so I don’t have the luxury of leaving work at work most days. So my week is full. Baking chicken nuggets from scratch? What was that, Sweet Brown?
Is it just me?
I used to feel like I had to defend my parenting choices on both spectrums. If I did make my kid chicken nuggets from scratch somebody would ask me “Why?!” in that condescending way which actually meant, “Oh, you’re one of THOSE moms”, and I’d have to explain how I wasn’t a prude but just wanting to try it since I could. But if I gave my kids frozen nuggets someone else would ask me “Why?!” in that condescending way which actually meant, “how can you call yourself a good mother for giving your kids that processed crap?!” It was exhausting. Well, I finally had to give up on that. I had to just
wait for it…
Yes, I just did that.
I think we all put enough pressure on ourselves. For those of us who have a spouse gone pretty regularly, I think it is even worse. But I also think that enough is enough. We do the best we can. We try hard. I think THAT is the key. But sometimes my “hard” is not going to be the same as yours, so we need to stop acting like there is this common formula to being a “great mom”. We all come from different places, different situations.
Do you feel the same? Or is it just me?
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