It’s the word people are using to define the events of this past week. Unimaginable.
But someone imagined it. A boy imagined it. And now, all I can do is imagine what happened. All I can do is think about those children, those teachers, that principal, those parents, and let us not forget the father whose son took all of those lives including his mother’s. All of them have to somehow keep moving. They have to wake up to a new day and keep breathing. That is what is unimaginable to me.
Sixteen 6 year olds
Four 7 year olds
A 27, 29, 30, 47, 52, and 56 year old.
And one 20 year old.
I step back and imagine this incident from so many different perspectives. Immediately I think of it as a teacher. I found out about the incident from one of my parents at my going away party that I was having for my students/parents. I didn’t know many details, but it hung heavy in the back of my brain as I hugged my students throughout the afternoon. I think about those teachers and how every single one of them is heroic because every single one of them would’ve given up their own life to save one of those twenty. I think about what I’d do in that situation. I think about how thankful I am to work on a military base and how utterly frightened I am to send my kindergartener off to his public school tomorrow.
And then I think about it as a parent. I allow myself to feel that pain because I want to do something so badly to help the parents of those little ones, and the only thing I can think of is to go into that dark place and silently pray. I send you my love….I want to burden your pain….I want to help take some of it away…Give them peace, oh God…
Friday afternoon I came home and hugged on my children. The next day I hugged on them more. Today I did the same. We didn’t go anywhere or do anything, we just were.
And this is what we usually do. I am thankful I do not need to say that this tragedy reminded me to slow down and think about what is important. To some, our family might seem somewhat anti-social and a little boring. We don’t go do a lot of “stuff”. We don’t go out on the town just because it’s a sunny Saturday. My son isn’t involved in twenty different activities throughout the week. We aren’t running around every day of the week trying to get from here to there and everywhere else. We are shameless homebodies who lounge around the house playing board games, cooking random new concoctions, or reading together. Some days we do our own thing, but we are still together, if that makes any sense.
A few years ago a dear friend of mine lost her stillborn twin baby. It was such a sudden, devastating loss, but my friend opened up and has taken people with her on her road to recovery. That loss has always hung in the back of my mind, and ever since I have never ever taken the moments I have with my boys for granted. I can say from a very honest place that our ‘boring’ family life has allowed me to be fully present with my sons. If I begin to get flustered with unimportant things, I think of my friend and am brought back to where I should be. Being a military family has the same effect sometimes. When your spouse is gone many days out of the year, it becomes easier to filter out all of the unimportant things that could be taking up your time and focus on your family. When your spouse is shipped off to war, things get brought into perspective very quickly. We are not perfect by any means, but we are constantly making an effort to strengthen the relationship of our family.
Please do not get me wrong…I am not saying families who are involved in many activities or are on the go are not fully appreciating the moments with their children. Some people are fully engaged in these situations and feel closest to their children when they are doing. But I know myself, and when I have too many things on the agenda, I go into what my family lovingly calls “Martha mode.” I lose my sense of priority, become stressed, short, and forget what is most important. I envy those that can do it all and remain fully present.
This is why I love living overseas. In America there is this incredible sense of urgency. You must buy this or that right now. You must cut your hair this way. Buy those color pants. Watch this. Watch that. Watch this and that and record four other shows at the same time. Everything is so in your face. When we lived in Japan we were stripped of all of that. We had maybe four regular television channels, no malls, no commercials shoving products down our throats. It was just our little family, in our little apartment, being together. We tried to continue that when we came back stateside, but it still isn’t the same. I’m looking forward to going back to that simple way of life. Experiencing life in the grandest way on the simplest of terms. Bonding with my boys without all the outside noise.
God forbid the unimaginable happen to me or my boys tomorrow, I would have no regrets. I know in my heart of hearts I spent the time I had here on this earth devoted to loving my boys in the best way I knew how.
I was fully present.
God bless the families of those lost. May they find support from the love of others and the peace of God that passes all understanding. Amen.
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It's so tragic what happened. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a loved one, much less lose a loved one like that. Poor families!