So it’s been an embarrassing three months since my last post. I haven’t forgotten about the sweet little handful of people that grace my blog with their presence or become one of those bloggers who just quits after a year…I’ve just been working my tush off at work and today I just so happen to have a clean house (thanks to the wonderful hubs), all of my grading done (a teeny miracle, seriously), and most of my plans completed for next week, so here I am.
Work has definitely left me with barely any free time, which has kept me from doing very much writing at all, sadly. Usually by now things have fallen into some kind of groove, but somehow that groove has shrunk to only two inches deep this year. However, despite all of the busyness, I have managed to send my query out to ten agents. It was the last resolution I made back in January and can now check it off with a bright red Sharpie Magnum Industrial Strength Permanent Marker. This was ceremonial, people. I’m extremely proud of myself for taking a few more steps forward with this whole writing business. It was a great personal accomplishment to press send and shoot bits and pieces of my very heart and soul out to complete strangers…very important strangers, at that. I didn’t know how I would feel after I had sent out everything. I was afraid I’d do the normal Ariel freak-out routine where I’d second guess everything and pray someone would create that ‘retract email’ button asap. But I didn’t. I actually felt normal. I didn’t feel nervous or paranoid. Skies were blue! Birds were chirping! I was fine.
What a relief.
And then I got a rejection.
And another. And I’m talking the next day.
Then two more.
4 rejections.
Now I knew I would get them. I know I will get more. But I’ve been really analyzing how they have been affecting me. All of the rejections were very kind and professional. One actually said that her agency had carefully considered it, but then passed in the end. So I waited. I waited for me to curl up like a roly-poly and send my query into the deep, dark depths of the electronic trash bin. I waited for that voice that has plagued my left shoulder for years to tell me how much I suck. And it eventually did, but then I heard something on Oprah radio (yeah, yeah, shut up) that struck the one chord in me that needed to be revived. The lady was talking about taking risk in correlation with being successful and that if it feels uncomfortable, then you are probably on the right track. Well, at that time I was feeling pretty out of sorts and just questioning if I’d be able to handle fifty more rejections or not. I’m a tough girl, but I still have a soft inner core that exaggerates things, that sits and stirs in self-doubt, and that loves to dictate how the rest of my day will go. But that statement was exactly what I needed to hear. What’s funny is that I have had dozens of moments like this while writing Eyes of Emerald. Somehow whenever I am at my lowest, something perks me back up and keeps me going. I’ve written them all down because they truly have been like tiny pieces of miracles trickling down into my life. In the grand scheme of life they aren’t really important, but this has become so woven into me that their meaning sinks down deep into my core, building back up that soft place that tends to be too sensitive. So I’m in a good place.
I’m not a fan of Katy Perry. At all. But I came upon this song of hers today that I actually like….and I actually bought, of all things. It’s called Firework, and I’m sure in about a week’s time everyone will be sick of hearing it because it will be played too much just like every annoying song of hers. But this one is fantastic.
So amidst all of the work, all of the demands that life throws my way, I’ll keep on moving forward….keep on shooting across the sky.
Leave A Reply
I loved this and really get it about that nagging voice. The quote from the show about risk and success set me thinking. Thanks, Miss Ariel! Love you, Ines